Never Ending Winter

I should preface this post by stating at the start that I know in the grand scheme of things I don’t have things hard. The mere fact that I’m sitting here typing away with the luxury of complaining says it all.

But…and it’s big but…

This years winter season has been exhausting on many levels for me personally. It’s like being clobbered by Mother Nature and the closest thing to a brow beating I’ve had in a really long time.

I have a major daily commute, so like any good Midwesterner, I check the weather first thing. You know I always have high hopes and think that somehow it’s just going to be a little cold. Those hopes are quickly dashed when it’s rain, sleet, snow and every other possible variation of winter in the mix.

The funny thing is that I always seen to envision myself being so different during this cold season. Afterall, it rolls around once a year and I like to see myself as prepared and even welcoming on some level. Yet, no matter how much I think I can tolerate the long dark days of January and February I just never seem to quite make it.

It’s not my wardrobe that’s lacking. I’ve got about five winter jackets now including a beautiful faux fur, a soft leather coat, a longer trench, cashmere wraps, vests, hoodies, heavy tunics made in Spain and just about every kind of winter gear one can imagine.

So it’s not the clothes.

It’s just the fact that it takes a huge effort to get from my vehicle to the entrance of the super market. Every step must be accounted for, should I bear down on a slick piece of hardened snow that has turned to an ice like formation I could be a goner.

As I exit my vehicle the cold robust air pushes against my entire body as if it’s ushering me back to my car. If you have ever had a dream that you are running in place and unable to make traction forward-it is something like that scenario-only punishingly cold.

Once in the market place I am ushered into a new dimension among others in the land of the puffer coats. Together we are all Eskimo like in some weird experiment that requires our effort and demands our collective passage through. This passing through is expected to last through February, if not longer.

However, this year, that test of fortitude came early in December and never left.

Yesterday, as I went about my usual schedule I felt the sun on my shoulders for the first time since Autumn. Today I went for a walk in my neighborhood and at one point feeling a little warm, actually had to remove my outer coat and just wear my hoodie.

Yet, I know this does not in anyway mean I am home free. Not yet. Oh no, Susan!

So all of this being said, it’s given me plenty of time to think and come to a few realizations…a few realities.

For one thing, there’s how I see myself or rather how I wish to see myself and then there is how I actually am. Case in point, I love to project a future image of me in the wintertime. That image entails me embracing the bitter cold, drinking hot chocolate in front of a cozy fireplace and doing things like baking soups and cornbread, which I lovingly pass out to friends and family.

This winter/superstar me also keeps up her daily workout, avoids any over indulgence and stays active despite the shorter days and limiting conditions. This person will not let the winter doll drums get her down! Oh no!

Of course, this wintertime me, is somehow late to the party and I’m perpetually waiting for her to show up and be fabulous.

The truth is that my human nature leads me to slow down as the days shorten and the sky turns slate grey. Carbs suddenly become essential nutrition and staying home to admire the snow fall from afar doesn’t sound so bad after all. Appointments can be rescheduled for another day and everything seems to get cancelled anyways.

So, I’m letting go of that version of me-that story and instead looking at what’s real and finding a better way.

For now, Spring is on the horizon.